Sunday Ride 2

Motivation

I need motivation!

I have so many things I want to do and I feel like I can't even get started on them.

I have to get out of this rut, nothing good can come from this, only disappointment.

So I'll try my best, I'll do what I can. I have a lot of projects I've been meaning to get started.

Hopefully they'll get started and finished soon.

Sunday Ride

.

I am stricken with anxiety,

I am dealing with it the best I can.

All I can do is keep trying.

All these feelings keep building and they need to be released.

I need something more,

but for now I'll just ride my bike.

Just doing my thing.

Anger

You hit me like a tidal wave,

catch me by surprise.

It builds and builds and then explodes forth upon everything.

The smallest of things get me these days.

I'm to self-conscience and take things to personally.

Dammit.

Speechless.

Sometimes I can't get myself to speak.

So much is going on inside my head and I need to let it escape at certain points.

Drawing let's me spill those thoughts, but I'm not always prepared and can't draw at times when I need to.

I'll work on this and break the silence, but at the same time respect it.

Hectic

I was in the city today riding with some friends, on our way home we got stuck behind a few other cyclists. I decided that I wanted to pass them so I did and my friends followed. The other cyclists got mad. They tried to pass us up and then got stuck in the Muni tracks and fell, hard. The one that fell, got up in a haze and we asked if he was alright, he didn't respond, we rode away and then he yelled at us. I rode very fast to try and get to the train station because I didn't want this angry biker to catch up with us, I tried fitting between two cars in a last minute attempt to get into another lane and ended up falling onto the hood of a car and scraping it with my handle bars. I felt bad and apologized to the driver, while the car next to me was quite upset and got out of their car, I did not realize this and walked to the side walk to try and get my head straight. When I saw him flipping out, I bolted, I didn't hit his car. Days can start out great and have bad endings. I hope for better ones in the future.

San Francisco

I have much to say of you, but for now I will leave it at that.

I

keep on saying things I do not mean to say.

I will be more down about it than most will.

I will beat myself up all night about it.

And I will not stop thinking about it.

I want to make things better.

I do not want this.

A decent finish.

Tonight, was pretty good.

I received great words of advice from a close friend and I know that I can go to them whenever I need. It made me question further specific things that have my focus and energy gridlocked and ask is it really worth putting forth this much of myself towards this.

The ride home tonight was a little different from the usual because it's a weekend so it wasn't as quite and calm as I had wanted it to be, but no matter. I had my music on so I was able to block out some of the unnecessary parts of the ride home, it was the first time I put my "Late Night Ride" playlist to good use, it shall be updated soon. Listening to my music on the way home puts me in all sorts of different moods. I picked mostly stuff that was softer, but with bits of uplifting bands to pull me from the more slow and sad stuff.

On another note, i've been really self-conscience about the way I've been acting, it doesn't always stop me from doing what my first instinct tells me to do, but it makes me over think things more than I already do.

I need to take it easy on myself and let certain things go, I'm working on it.

Life.

.

I've actually been feeling good about my art recently

and I have been taking advantage of that.

Expect more to come and some T-shirts in the near future.

Sometimes

I just want to lay down next to some one else.

Just to have some one there with me is a comforting thought.

Until I get there, I will continue to have these nights alone.

Tonight.

I will ride with everyone.

I can't wait to get out and see everyone, and burst forth out onto the streets.

On another note, hopefully some art will be posted up soon.

Late rides home.

Riding home late at night is the best feeling.

Your out by yourself and for that time stretch between you and your destination,

you can ponder everything that you had no time for during the day.

A lot of the time it works against me, but I'm getting better.